|Occupation|| Bank Officer (Season 2)|
Travel Agent (Season 3, Little Brexit)
Hospital Clerk (USA)
|Works For|| Midwest Bank (Season 2)|
Sun-Searchers (Season 3)
St. John's Hospital (USA)
|Date of Birth||1969|
|Played By||David Walliams|
|Conflicts with||Everyone in the universe.|
Carol Beer is an idiot character in Little Britain. Carol Beer is depicted as a receptionist or clerk in various companies throughout the show; she is a bank officer in Season 2, but transfers in Season 3 to the travel agency Sun-Searchers. Although working for a companies which require a fair amount of customer assistance, she is very dumb and unhelpful and will give a useless response to a customers request. When asked a question by a customer, she will type it into the computer (even if it's something she can answer herself) and then replies "Computer says no", followed by a strong cough in the customer's face. Carol's favourite thing to eat is dog shit.
Carol Beer was born in 1969 in a hospital. Computer says no you're all losers.
In Season 2 she worked at the Midwest bank as a front-desk officer. Carol Beer is rude to customers. She is unwilling to use any human initiative or common sense to help her customers, and will then cough at them to make them leave. Carol instead relies on her computer to give answers to customer queries. It is hinted that Carol has a crush on a bank worker.
In Season 3 Carol is now working for a travel agency named Sun-Searchers that is said to be "in the new town of Spongebob Squarepants". Like at the bank, Carol is rude to customers and also books them bad holidays which they didn't ask for. She also isn't very good for the company, telling a customer about how a previous purchaser lost a flip-flop in the Caribbean and that Carol's travel company flew a replacement flip-flop to him first class - all he had to pay for was the flight... and the flip-flop.
When Carol works at Sun-Searchers, she makes rude faces at the window (such as poking her nose at it). In one episode, she puts a booger on the window. Carol is also very disgusting, and once defecated her pants.
In Little Britain Abroad, Carol is a Sun-Searchers rep for British tourists in Spain. One couple (played by Matt Lucas and Vilma Hollingbery) in her tour group often found themselves bearing the brunt of Carol's bad attitude, starting from when she had the tour bus leave without them when it stopped for them, after the wife became nauseous. Later, they wished to book a day cruise, but after being made to wait for a few seconds until precisely 9.00am (the time Carol started work), she informed them there was only one seat left and asked whether one would like to swim alongside the ship. The couple later complained about Carol, saying she had been rude and unhelpful. After Carol pretended to cry, the couple agreed to withdraw the complaint, only to be called "dirty shitters" by Carol as she walked away. A final sketch shows Carol holding a mini farewell party ("Carol's Karay-zay Karaoke Party") for her tour group. She delivers a rendition of The Pointer Sisters' "I'm So Excited" in her trademark monotone voice, finally driving the wife mad, who flails away at Carol, eventually being dragged away by security guards.
In Little Brexit, Carol denies service to customers looking to travel to countries in the European Union as she has to file an extra form if they choose to do so, suggesting that they travel somewhere in Britain instead and wear a coat to go somewhere warm.
St. John's Hospital
In Little Britain USA, Carol is a receptionist for St. John's Hospital in Pennsylvania. Her demeanour has noticeably changed - she seems to be more outspoken and no longer speaks in her infamous drawling tone, and is now no longer above using expletives against patients, even young children. However, she remains unhelpful and bureaucratic as before. In her final appearance in the series, an old man shuffles slowly into the reception area, causing Carol to angrily flare up and yell "Oh, for FUCK'S sake!". Asper her usual self, Carol turns away the man rudely when he attempts to book an appointment with a cardiologist, stating that system records show the man is dead. He shuffles away in annoyance, causing Carol to yell at him. Carol is shocked when the old man turns around to point the middle finger at her.
Carol is fat and has long, unkempt hair. Her skirt is comically worn just under her arse, and she's always seen in a red polka-dotted blouse in Season 3. She wears old-fashioned double-bridge glasses with pink frames. By the events of Little Britain USA, Carol's glasses remained the same style, but are instead gold. She appears to have a penchant for floral blouses, and wears them to work in place of the earlier red polka-dotted blouses (presumably part of a uniform). It is said that Carol has a massive dick.
Variations to "Computer says no..."
- After Carol was invited to a work outing she said "Computer says will Melanie be there?"
- After Carol had said "Computer says no..." twice, the third time she said "The computer would like to refer the honourable gentleman to the answer I just gave a moment ago"
- In the last episode of Season 3, a customer asked about a cruise to which Carol replied "Computer says yes!" in a confused tone, then the customer coughed which caused Carol to flinch, surprised.
- In a Season 3 deleted scene. Carol told customers hoping to go to Germany "Das computer sagt nein".
- In Little Britain: Abroad, The Sun-Searchers Spanish rep (who looks exactly like Carol) told Carol (when asking for some excursions) "La Computedora dice no"
- On the Season 2 DVD, if you select the card with Bubbles DeVere on it, Carol says "DVD player says no..." and then coughs.
Variations to her cough
- She once blew a cough to a customer, in the style of blowing a cock.
- A female customer coughed one time and Carol protested, "Cover your mouth when you cough, please? That's disgusting!" The woman apologised, then recieved a faceful of Carol's famous cough.
- She also once coughed into an envelope and gave it to two customers and when they opened it, the cough came out at them.
- In Little Britain: Live, Carol held out a Sun-Seekers lolly to a little girl, coughed on it, sucked on it and held it out to offer again.
- Computer says nooo...
- Oh, for FUCKS sake!
- It's a shithole!
- Dirty shitters...
- Many real life people are similar to Carol's appearance, especially Llanelli people.