|Owns||Ye Olde Hotele|
|Played By||David Walliams|
Ray is the owner of "Ye Olde Hotele" which is a hotel in Scotland. He is mad and often scares customers away from his hotel with his weird riddles and rhymes. He confuses people by never giving a straight answer, punctuating the pauses before, or after, his replies by briefly playing mysterious-sounding very short tunes, with rising notes towards the end, on his piccolo (a sort of wooden flute; occasionally also on a miniature viola). He also has two midgets which occasionaly accompany him. Also believes anything electrical is controlled by 'sprites'.
After Series 1, Ray was not a character in Series 2 as the set was too expensive. Matt Lucas said he would appear in the 3rd series but he didn't. He did, however, appear for the Live Show, which was very popular in the Scottish peformance.
Rhymes, Riddles and Catchphrases
Rhymes and Riddles
- "The seeded fruit that is often mis-tooken for a ve-ge-ta-ble, red in colour and fleshy within, but beware the pips!" - Tomato
- "A liquor that a cow may secrete from its udder" - Milk
- "Gold in colour and slippery to the touch" - Butter
- "I'm hard yet soft, I'm coloured yet clear, I am fruity and sweet, I am jelly, what am I?" - Jelly
When anyone correctly guesses a riddle, he will tell them "Ye know too much"
No Straight Answers
- When asked if the chocolate cake has nuts, Ray went on to ask every cake "[Cake name], [cake name], have ye any nuts?" (asking chocolate the last) and then putting the cake to his ears to listen to the answer from the cake. Then he would turn to the customers and state, "The [cake name] has no nuts", going on to ask the next cake.
- When tax collectors ask for money he offers them only 6 magic beans, and when they don't accept this he offers them 7 magic beans.
- When asked if they serve the Set Menu on a Sunday, he replies "If ye ask me on a Monday, I'd say yeeeeeeeeees" and continues that for every day of the week, but is often interrupted by another customer causing Ray to start from the beginning.
- When asked anything he will often reply with answers such as "If I tell ye the truth, I'll tell ye a lie, but if ye call me false then I'll also tell ye a lie" and "Maybe I am and maybe I'm not".